Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Hendren's Hyperbole! Episode 28 -- Are You Flogging Kidding Me?
A few weeks back I wrote about a book written by James Pomerantz titled Tough Guys Always Play From The Tips: A Unisex Guide to Golf, Tough Guys and the Neutered Weenie Fraternity Created By Such an Insane Game. Well, hold on to your manly hat Mr. Pomerantz because I have found something way worse than golf to blame the wussification of America on.
Has anyone heard of Flogton? I didn’t think so. Flogton, (“not golf” spelled backward) according to the AGA, or Alternative Golf Association, is all the rage! Flogton is a version of “golf” (I use the term golf loosely) for candyasses who can’t hack it playing by the rules everyone else plays by so they have to invent their own game so everyone can excel. What a load of B.S. The fact that everyone can’t be awesome at golf it what makes it so attractive to me! If everyone could play like the pros I wouldn’t play! I would go bowl or play some other lame “sport.”
Check out the rules for basic Flogton…… apparently there are new rules the better you get. After you conquer one level, or shoot a score acceptable by the AGA, the rules get a little stiffer. If you get too good at Flogton you might not be able to use a tee from anywhere on the course and penalty strokes might start counting and you might not be allowed to pick up your ball and throw it! Watch out!
Rules for Flogton Basic
Use these rules for the first three levels of Flogton
• Move up: Start a par-3 hole 50 yards closer to the green, a par-4 hole 100 yards closer to the green, and a par-5 hole 150 yards closer to the green.
• Don’t dawdle: No more than one practice swing per shot permitted. Violating this rule results in a penalty stroke. (If your real swing misses the ball, however, don’t count that.)
• Tee it up: Use a tee on any shot.
• Bump it: Improve your lie by one club length anywhere but on the green.
• Toss it: Once per hole you can use your hands to toss a “stroke.” (Try it from a bunker!)
• No penalties: Hit it OB or into a hazard? Lose a ball? Either reload or drop near the point where the ball disappeared.
• Putting particulars: Leave the flagstick in – and if you hit it, consider your ball in the hole! Don’t mark the ball – and when it’s your turn, putt until you’re in the hole or have taken two strokes, whatever is sooner. Flogton Basic has a three-putt maximum.
What a joke. If you suck at golf bad enough to make up your own game just stick to something you are good at, like Halo! Seriously, when I read about Flogton it got me fired up. How are we going to grow the best sport on earth if tomorrow's golfers are too busy playing freakin' Flogton to learn the game of golf?
What are your thoughts on Flogton? Go to the official Flogton website and let me know what you think.
Oh yeah! I almost forgot because I am so fired up about this dumbass Flogton! This week is the British Open and with a major comes another edition of The Golfdom Hackoff! In case you are not aware The Golfdom Hackof is a fantasy golf league Golfdom hosts during every major. It is a lot of fun and best of all it is free! Here’s how to sign up….
The Hackoff is going to be at http://golf.fantasysports.yahoo.com/golf just like in the past. Click on "Sign up now!" for "Tee it Up!" fantasy golf (it's the only fantasy golf game they have.) Once you create your team, click "join a group." The group ID is 17466 and the group name is The Great Golfdom Hackoff (Yes I know 'hackoff' is spelled hack-off but I was limited in spaces to enter a name and I had to have the name be The Great Golfdom Hackoff!)
You will need a password to join the group. The password is golfdom123.
If you have signed up in the past just sign in and make your picks for this weekend. If not, what are you waiting for? You could win a number of great prizes! Jones scored some sweet Spy sunglasses for the winner of the U.S. Open, maybe he'll come up with something cool again for the British Open! All you have to do is sign up for your chance to win some great prizes and go down in history as the first British Open edition Hackoff Champion! (We really need to get a trophy with the winner's names engraved on them... I'll have Jones work on that!)
Until next week!
-- Matt Hendren