Tuesday, June 07, 2011

Hendren's Hyperbole! Episode 23 -- Sissifying America?!?

Welcome back to Hendren’s Hyperbole. I hope you all had a great weekend and your week is off to a good start. How about Jones playing golf at Sunflower Hills, which is essentially in my back yard, and not even throwing an invite my way! I see how you are Jones. I am not going to lie, it hurts a little. I know he didn’t invite me because he is tired of getting beat like a Grand Canyon mule but it’s still bush league, bush league I tell you!


I think you will all get a kick out of this. There was an article I read on how golf is the cause of the extinction of tough guys. Apparently there is a book; Tough Guys Always Play From The Tips: A Unisex Guide to Golf, Tough Guys and the Neutered Weenie Fraternity Created By Such an Insane Game, written by James Pomerantz, which delves into why golf is the cause of tough guys going extinct.

I have not read the book, nor will I, because it is a ridiculous take and I don’t want to give any of my hard-earned money to the idiot, I mean author, who decided it was his place to blame golf for all of societies short comings. Short comings in his eyes anyways.

Don’t take my word, decide for yourself. Here are a few excerpts from the book..

“The popularity of golf and the decline of the American Tough Guy certainly have a direct connection,” Pomerantz said. “If they don’t, then can someone please explain plaid pants to anyone with an IQ above concrete? Think about this. While alcohol is forbidden on the field of play in baseball, football and other manly sports, it’s not only available, but encouraged in golf. In contrast, try downing a cold one while coaching your kid’s Little League team. Also, on the exertion scale of physical effort, golf falls in just a hair short of playing poker or sleeping. Finally, football and baseball have complex rules and umpires to prevent cheating of any kind. Meanwhile, on the golf course, players are perfectly content to skip a stroke, take a mulligan, move a lie, concede an easy putt and kick a ball out of the tall grass when no one is looking. In summary, golf is an exertion-free game for alcoholic blowhards.”

Pomerantz points out that golf is a game that rank amateurs can play at a professional level from time to time.
“Where else can an overweight, middle-aged, half-in-the-bag Fox News addict hit a shot better than Tiger Woods?” he added. “Put Tiger Woods on a 150 yard par 3 with Skippy the Accountant, and let them each hit a bucket of balls toward the green. I guarantee Skippy gets a shot closer to the pin than Tiger at least once, if not more, during the challenge. Now, take Skippy and tell him to chase Michael Vick out of the pocket a few times. Just have a defibrillator and an EMS team standing by.”

In the final analysis, the culture of golf is in direct conflict with the culture of men, and that’s why Pomerantz thinks it is one of the key factors that is sissifying America.
“You know, mothers tell their sons to study hard, get a good education, make the right friends and be nice to people,” he said. “Well, that’s like asking the Dalai Lama to work at Haliburton. Life is about confrontation and confidence, perseverance and integrity. Golf is about drinking, cheating and competition with as little effort as humanly possible. After all, how has golf, a seemingly candy-ass, pull your dress down, non-contact, don't make a sound sport become the most popular amateur sport in America for men of ALL ages?”

This whole thing is ridiculous! What do you think? Shoot me a comment and let me know. But, I guess it is fairly entertaining.

The U.S. Open is only two short weeks away and we will be having another Golfdom Pick’em Challenge, U.S. Open edition. Check back to the Golfdom Daily for more information coming soon!

--Matt Hendren

1 comment:

Leastman said...

I don't agree. Golfers are tough. Oh, wait didn't some guy named Tiger almost get his head caved in by his 9-iron wielding wife?